Arizona is 30 times better than Minnesota. That's what I learned in the last week. Great weather, women wearing sundresses year-round (my personal favorite), strange homeless men that bark at people and a great baseball field.
Note on the barking man: This guy was in a wheelchair barking at people while asking for 83 cents. Why not a dollar? You're homeless, go big or go h... Wait, never mind.
If you're a sports fan living somewhere, you need a place that bleeds sports. Sure, a football field is nice, but there is only 16 games. Basketball is played inside and just doesn't interact with the community in the same way. A baseball field, a sport meant to play outside, is something that involves more than 80 games and is something where everyone can get involved.
Ex. When I was 11 years old, former Minnesota Twins center fielder Torii Hunter caught the third out and was running back into the dugout with the rest of the team. Chubby Kyle Ratke was standing above the dugout anticipating Mr. Hunter throwing him the ball. Well, he did, but Ratke couldn't decide between the ball and the helmet of ice-cream in his hand. Needless to say, he dropped the ball (this is my life story.)
I will remember this forever. I was 11 years old. Hell, I have trouble remembering what happened last week. But I remember that moment in the Dome. Baseball can involve everyone, trust me.
Back to the story.
The Reporter sent a few of us to Arizona for a convention. On the second day there, variety editor Nate Brennan, ad salesman Jared Hensch and myself decided to tour Chase Field, the home of the Arizona Diamondbacks, hoping it would get us ready for Target Field. In the end, I felt jealous and depressed.
We walked into the tour and a guy named Rook was leading it. Wait. A guy named Rook was leading our tour? Could have he picked a better profession? What a great name. This tour was off to a great start already. Fucking Rook. What a guy.
Actually, he wasn't that cool. Just had a cool name.
There was a couple that was also from Minnesota. There were only six people on the tour, small world.
One lady on our tour looked like a bowling ball. People talk about round people, and to be as sensitive as I can, this lady had round everything. If I am her husband this is what's going through my head: "Her mother was round too wasn't she? I knew it. Damn it. Well, I am 70 now. No going back. I didn't sign up for this though, really, she walks like a duck... Damn it."
There was also a man in our group from Michigan. He was completely normal up until the point Rook started trying to make jokes. Rook said something about putting fans in "timeout" if they aren't behaving in the stands. The Michigan guy goes, "Haha, timeout. Haha." I couldn't take him serious. Even Rook looked it him like, "That wasn't that funny. I am Rook. I should know."
Wait, there is more from crazy Michigan guy. According to Nate and Jared, the guy grabbed and/or snorted the dirt from the field. Yeah, I said snorted. You are a 40-year-old man, leave the dirt alone.
No wonder Miguel Cabrera drinks so much. He has fans like this.
Rook did a great job of explaining how the D-Backs like to stay "fan-friendly." Most of the concession stands are facing the field so the fans can still watch the game. I stared in awe when I saw this, through the eyes of a Twins fan who literally has to leave the game to go get something to eat. But I do get to watch it on a 12-inch HD TV, so it makes up for it. Thanks Pohlad family, you're the best!
Rook explained to us that the D-Backs had over 700 huge HD TVs in the stadium for fans to watch the game. When we "toured" the home-team locker room (they wouldn't let us in the locker room for security reasons)we had to watch a tour of it on a 1996 Zenith TV.
Maybe Rook shouldn't have told us about those 700 other HD TVs. I felt cheated.
We also had a look at the Diamondbacks "trophy case."
Okay, the Diamondbacks won the 2001 World Series and it obviously belongs in a trophy case, but it looked like I made this case in my ninth-grade shop class. And the trophy wasn't even in there. I don't get it ... Where is the trophy? What is the point of this uneven case? I need answers Rook, and I need them now!
For photos and the rest of Kyle's blog, head to thekidstake.com. Become a fan of The Kid's Take fan page on Facebook. You can also follow the Reporter on Twitter @MSUReporter along with Kyle's @kyle_ratke.
Kyle Ratke is the Reporter sports editor
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