2008 Woodie Awards
Teaching from tragedy
Andrea Cooper uses her daughter's tragic death to educate
by Nia Jonesz
Issue date: 10/9/08
Section: Speakers and Presentations
In the wake of losing an only child to suicide, many mothers would sob with grief, become outraged or start a long search for answers. Andrea Cooper did all of that, and then she turned her tragedy into a tool.
Since 1998 Cooper has traveled to more than 300 colleges and reached more than 80,000 students with her presentation, Kristin's story, about her daughter's battle with depression, rape and eventually suicide. Cooper brought her emotional and informational presentation to Minnesota State Tuesday night.
According to Cooper, in hindsight her daughter Kristin probably always battled with depression, but years ago the disease got nowhere near the attention it gets now.
The Cooper family moved overseas to Scotland and London for two years when Kristin was 10 years old. Kristin was miserable in Europe and became even more so when the family moved back to Colorado and she found her old friends had moved on.
In high school Kristin finally found her place. She joined honors choir, was involved with musicals and was thriving academically. Life continued to look up for Kristin after graduation when she began classes at Baker University, a small private school in Kansas. She quickly found a group of good friends in the girls of the Alpha Sigma Alpha sorority on campus and a new boyfriend.
When Cooper did see her daughter, Kristin seemed happy.
"Little did I know that one year, five months later she would be dead," Cooper said.
What changed in between the seemingly happy times and Kristin's death only truly became clear in hindsight.
On New Years Eve 1995, Kristin's parents left for a party and expected Kristin to leave for her own late that evening. When they returned at 2 a.m. they were surprised to find Kristin's car in the driveway.
Cooper vividly remembers the scene awaiting her inside the house.
"I saw Kristin laying on the couch and she looked comfortable, eyes closed, good color," Cooper said. "The only strange thing was that her head was inches away from a stereo that was blaring. I'll never forget the song that was playing, 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morisette."
According to Cooper, at that point she assumed what many parents if they found their daughter in such a state on a notorious party night. She didn't think Kristin drank but thought perhaps her daughter chose to drink that night and had passed out.
As she walked closer, Cooper realized that Kristin wasn't breathing and began to panic.
"Thinking it was alcohol poisoning I ran to her side to check for a pulse," Cooper said. "Then I discovered she had a gun in her hands."
Weeks later, the Coopers were able to look at a notebook discovered next to Kristin's body (it was originally taken by the police as part of the investigation) and finally gain some insight into the why she took her own life.
Cooper guessed the reason was Kristin's recent break up with her boyfriend. In the notebook, however, Cooper discovered a poem detailing the feeling of being raped.
Cooper recited the poem to the MSU audience by heart.
Lines included "a void of despair" and "what is left of my soul?"
"I was furious," Cooper said. "I wanted to know who this son of a bitch was who did this to my daughter."
Through what Cooper refers to as "mom investigation," she questioned several of Kristin's friends and all gave the same name of Kristin's suspected rapist. It was a friend of Kristin's from work - A man Cooper had even met when he came to the house to pick Kristin up a few times.
According to the Bureau of Justice, more than 90 percent of rapes on college women involve a perpetrator they know.
Cooper wrote a letter to the suspected rapist and never heard anything back. His lack of response, she says, is basically a confirmation of his guilt. According to Cooper, through talking to college- age men across the country she has come to realize that an innocent man would have defended himself or at least apologized for her loss.
Cooper started telling her daughter's story at small sorority functions but was soon approached by the sorority's national president and offered a grant to travel, talking to groups nationwide.
"It [talking to college students] has been an absolute miracle," Cooper said. "It helps me tremendously and has been so healing."
Nia Jonesz is the Reporter news editor
Since 1998 Cooper has traveled to more than 300 colleges and reached more than 80,000 students with her presentation, Kristin's story, about her daughter's battle with depression, rape and eventually suicide. Cooper brought her emotional and informational presentation to Minnesota State Tuesday night.
According to Cooper, in hindsight her daughter Kristin probably always battled with depression, but years ago the disease got nowhere near the attention it gets now.
The Cooper family moved overseas to Scotland and London for two years when Kristin was 10 years old. Kristin was miserable in Europe and became even more so when the family moved back to Colorado and she found her old friends had moved on.
In high school Kristin finally found her place. She joined honors choir, was involved with musicals and was thriving academically. Life continued to look up for Kristin after graduation when she began classes at Baker University, a small private school in Kansas. She quickly found a group of good friends in the girls of the Alpha Sigma Alpha sorority on campus and a new boyfriend.
When Cooper did see her daughter, Kristin seemed happy.
"Little did I know that one year, five months later she would be dead," Cooper said.
What changed in between the seemingly happy times and Kristin's death only truly became clear in hindsight.
On New Years Eve 1995, Kristin's parents left for a party and expected Kristin to leave for her own late that evening. When they returned at 2 a.m. they were surprised to find Kristin's car in the driveway.
Cooper vividly remembers the scene awaiting her inside the house.
"I saw Kristin laying on the couch and she looked comfortable, eyes closed, good color," Cooper said. "The only strange thing was that her head was inches away from a stereo that was blaring. I'll never forget the song that was playing, 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morisette."
According to Cooper, at that point she assumed what many parents if they found their daughter in such a state on a notorious party night. She didn't think Kristin drank but thought perhaps her daughter chose to drink that night and had passed out.
As she walked closer, Cooper realized that Kristin wasn't breathing and began to panic.
"Thinking it was alcohol poisoning I ran to her side to check for a pulse," Cooper said. "Then I discovered she had a gun in her hands."
Weeks later, the Coopers were able to look at a notebook discovered next to Kristin's body (it was originally taken by the police as part of the investigation) and finally gain some insight into the why she took her own life.
Cooper guessed the reason was Kristin's recent break up with her boyfriend. In the notebook, however, Cooper discovered a poem detailing the feeling of being raped.
Cooper recited the poem to the MSU audience by heart.
Lines included "a void of despair" and "what is left of my soul?"
"I was furious," Cooper said. "I wanted to know who this son of a bitch was who did this to my daughter."
Through what Cooper refers to as "mom investigation," she questioned several of Kristin's friends and all gave the same name of Kristin's suspected rapist. It was a friend of Kristin's from work - A man Cooper had even met when he came to the house to pick Kristin up a few times.
According to the Bureau of Justice, more than 90 percent of rapes on college women involve a perpetrator they know.
Cooper wrote a letter to the suspected rapist and never heard anything back. His lack of response, she says, is basically a confirmation of his guilt. According to Cooper, through talking to college- age men across the country she has come to realize that an innocent man would have defended himself or at least apologized for her loss.
Cooper started telling her daughter's story at small sorority functions but was soon approached by the sorority's national president and offered a grant to travel, talking to groups nationwide.
"It [talking to college students] has been an absolute miracle," Cooper said. "It helps me tremendously and has been so healing."
Nia Jonesz is the Reporter news editor
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