2008 Woodie Awards
Dirty Laundry
Goodbye gov.; Wells' weed; Idolizing Obama
by Ali Ramsey and Drew Nelson
Issue date: 3/20/08
Section: Dirty Laundry
Drew Nelson: Greetings all you sunburned ramblers and welcome back to the real world - these past days have been friggin' great.
While many escaped last week for blistering sun, distant sands or even a twelver of Tecate with your amigos in Mazatlan, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer buried himself in every politician's worst nightmare: public revelation of personal, often nasty desires.
The kicker? After Spitzer finished pumping tax dollars, among other things, into call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre, his successor to the Big Apple's throne admitted he enjoys slinking around with other chicks, too.
Great. Now the entire East Coast will be crawling with nymphos looking for a cut of Uncle Sam's coffer.
Ali Ramsey: Dupre is laughing all the way to the bank with those tax dollars. I'm sure it's the same way Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," was laughing when she was caught with three half-smoked joints in her car. Mary Ann? More like Mary Jane.
Rachel Heiderscheidt: Maybe she's confused. Those palm trees weren't the only green on that God forsaken island. Gilligan was just a notch too aloof to be above the influence.
Ramsey: Rachel? What are you doing here?
Nelson: Nice of our news editor to pop in right in the middle of Sativa Story Hour. I knew Wells must have salvaged some island in the '60s. But you had to know that three-hour tour was going to come to this.
What else would you do when you're stuck with a narcissist, a braniac, Santa Claus and some country clubbers? You were just in San Francisco, Ali. Is it surprising that Hollywood's old-timers are still tokin'? After all, the show did end immediately following the summer of love.
Ramsey: These days it seems like you're out of the loop if you aren't on drugs or have at least done them somewhere along the lines.
Take Barack Obama for example. Our Democratic friend has said he experimented with drugs in the past and yet he's still a contender for the nomination.
And just recently he was made to look like some kind of god on the cover of "Rolling Stone." If only everyone who did drugs could be so loved...
Nelson: But they aren't. Look at Robert Downey, Jr. He stars in this May's "Iron Man," which has garnered more sensationalism than - well - a hot New York call girl.
I know Downey, Jr. doesn't blow bitter-beer-faced politicians, but his track record marquis will always blink, "You, Me, and the White Pony Makes Three." I'm surprised he secured the role, even though he said he quit the abuse. He was great in "A Scanner Darkly," ironically playing his real-life persona in a society hooked on a fictitious substance (pick it up, "Requiem" addicts).
I'm hoping he will do it justice. Which superhero will Hollywood bring to fruition next? Trey Parker's "Orgazmo?"
Heiderscheidt: I've always been a fan of "Captain Underpants." Maybe I could be the next Frank Miller (right) and take this rich and compelling story into a semi-plausible, highly entertaining reality. It could begin with a tale of a governor who loses his underpants…
Ali Ramsey is the Reporter assistant variety editor
Drew Nelson is a Reporter staff writer
Rachel Heiderscheidt is the Reporter news editor
While many escaped last week for blistering sun, distant sands or even a twelver of Tecate with your amigos in Mazatlan, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer buried himself in every politician's worst nightmare: public revelation of personal, often nasty desires.
The kicker? After Spitzer finished pumping tax dollars, among other things, into call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre, his successor to the Big Apple's throne admitted he enjoys slinking around with other chicks, too.
Great. Now the entire East Coast will be crawling with nymphos looking for a cut of Uncle Sam's coffer.
Ali Ramsey: Dupre is laughing all the way to the bank with those tax dollars. I'm sure it's the same way Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," was laughing when she was caught with three half-smoked joints in her car. Mary Ann? More like Mary Jane.
Rachel Heiderscheidt: Maybe she's confused. Those palm trees weren't the only green on that God forsaken island. Gilligan was just a notch too aloof to be above the influence.
Ramsey: Rachel? What are you doing here?
Nelson: Nice of our news editor to pop in right in the middle of Sativa Story Hour. I knew Wells must have salvaged some island in the '60s. But you had to know that three-hour tour was going to come to this.
What else would you do when you're stuck with a narcissist, a braniac, Santa Claus and some country clubbers? You were just in San Francisco, Ali. Is it surprising that Hollywood's old-timers are still tokin'? After all, the show did end immediately following the summer of love.
Ramsey: These days it seems like you're out of the loop if you aren't on drugs or have at least done them somewhere along the lines.
Take Barack Obama for example. Our Democratic friend has said he experimented with drugs in the past and yet he's still a contender for the nomination.
And just recently he was made to look like some kind of god on the cover of "Rolling Stone." If only everyone who did drugs could be so loved...
Nelson: But they aren't. Look at Robert Downey, Jr. He stars in this May's "Iron Man," which has garnered more sensationalism than - well - a hot New York call girl.
I know Downey, Jr. doesn't blow bitter-beer-faced politicians, but his track record marquis will always blink, "You, Me, and the White Pony Makes Three." I'm surprised he secured the role, even though he said he quit the abuse. He was great in "A Scanner Darkly," ironically playing his real-life persona in a society hooked on a fictitious substance (pick it up, "Requiem" addicts).
I'm hoping he will do it justice. Which superhero will Hollywood bring to fruition next? Trey Parker's "Orgazmo?"
Heiderscheidt: I've always been a fan of "Captain Underpants." Maybe I could be the next Frank Miller (right) and take this rich and compelling story into a semi-plausible, highly entertaining reality. It could begin with a tale of a governor who loses his underpants…
Ali Ramsey is the Reporter assistant variety editor
Drew Nelson is a Reporter staff writer
Rachel Heiderscheidt is the Reporter news editor
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