2008 Woodie Awards
Dirty Laundry
Mug shots; sex tapes; musical nostalgia
by Ali Ramsey and Drew Nelson
Issue date: 10/2/08
Section: Dirty Laundry
Drew Nelson: Congratulations to all of you, if you're reading this. You've made it through the first big test of the year this past weekend and I'm glad to see you all back. We won the game and enjoyed great company. Alas, my heart has sunk in the bowels of September. There will be no fall classic for my boys in blue and red. I'll now pause for bagpipes.
Ali Ramsey: There you go with the Twins again. As much as I wanted them to win, and even more for the White Sox to lose, we didn't. So you'll just have to suck it up and move on.
Nelson: I already have. We know that feeling all too well, I'm afraid, and it rings in as second nature to watch our chances slip through fingers. I imagine many Sarah Palin supporters will feel the same after tonight's debate. Her recent interview with Katie Couric was laughable at best. Palin danced around questions and seemed deferred to what John McCain believes in, saying that she would "have to get back" to Couric with proper answers. If she can't present her views concerning the world's problems right now, imagine her in the White House. Yikes. Tonight, Biden has the golden gun. Palin's got no chance.
Ramsey: I'll wait to hear about it Friday. I'd rather be at home watching "The Office" or "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," then watching the debate. Politics isn't really my thing. Other than amazing TV shows, I'm interested in the news that isn't news. Like how Britney Spears might end up buying her own sex tape off the Internet from her ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. If Spears doesn't buy it, Ghalib could make $10 million off of it. For that amount I'd sell the tape, too.
Nelson: I wonder if Paul Newman ever made one of those. Then again, he probably didn't need to tell the world he got the ladies. The guy who could eat 50 eggs died last week after a bout with cancer. If you've never seen him in action, I suggest "The Hustler" or "The Sting." There's nothing like a little film nostalgia - that's where real actors were born. Once again, can I hear some taps? Not too bad of a life to be a star, then to make salad dressing for the rest of your days. What business do you want to partake in when you're 80, Ali?
Ramsey: Well I know I won't have accomplished even half of what Newman did. When I'm 80 I'll probably be living alone with a little black dog named Doodle. But at least I won't have a DUI under my belt and a horrible mug shot to boot like Heather Locklear.
Nelson: Ha! All those celebrity mug shots look identical. The puffy, purple, glassy eyes and the frizzed hair. Men are usually unshaven and the women look worse than Amy Winehouse after a six-day coma. It's a good thing some musicians are celebrating a legend of those sorts: Jimi Hendrix. Beginning Oct. 15, the Experience Hendrix Tour will make a third pass for 19 different shows, featuring guitarists such as Buddy Guy and Hendrix's ex-bandmates Mitch Mitchell and Billy Cox. That'll be a hot ticket. Even Floyd tribute bands can sell out. There's nothing like a little musical nostalgia either.
Ramsey: I probably won't be enjoying any musical nostalgia anytime soon. Instead I'll be cooped up in my apartment watching movies and dreading the cold weather. And one new movie coming to theaters soon is already causing controversy. "Blindness," which portrays a group of blind people quarantined in a mental asylum, attacking each other and trading sex for food is apparently angering the actual blind. Go figure.
Nelson: That's the kind of envelope-pushing that garners awards, though. If someone made a movie about pasty white guys who laugh at their own jokes, amuse themselves with so much as a fart joke, and deafen their neighbors through normal speech patterns, I wouldn't be upset. I couldn't be. In an unrelated item, if you don't laugh at yourself on the daily, you'd never make it through the important things. Funerals ... jail time ... Donna Casella's Film Theory and Criticism class ... an Enya album. That said, I bet stockholders have shared one big collective hee-haw in recent weeks as the Dow plummeted in record numbers. Letterman thinks "we are so screwed." Frankly, I believe him.
Ramsey: I'm starting to think we're screwed, too. Seeing all the stories about this and all the pictures that show stockbrokers hanging their heads low isn't making me think we're in a good situation. You've just got to look at the brighter side of things, which is what Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson did when they wed recently. I thought you said you were going to marry her, Drew? I guess she wanted someone with good looks and muscle instead of the pasty white guy who laughs at his own jokes.
Nelson: No wonder my petition for a sex scene with her came back with a restraining order! Save for running a yellow light (I got a ticket) this is the first major run-in I've had with Johnny Law. It's a letdown for me in every way, like Al Pacino and Robert De Niro these days. With such a foolproof tandem, Jon Avnet's "Righteous Kill" should have been ballin'. Instead, reviewers have been ranking it lower than Bush's approval rating, which fell off quicker than the mountain climber guy on that Price is Right game. Have the actors yodeled their final breaths?
Ramsey: It seems like anything those two do lately is a flop. It's sad when a movie staring Dane Cook and Jason Biggs can rake in more money then Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. I didn't see "My Best Friends Girl," but with Cook's acting skill it had to be bad. One movie I am looking forward to, though, is "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People." Any film with Simon Pegg is bound to be a winner, even if he isnt' with his "Shaun of the Dead" sidekick Nick Frost.
Nelson: Our buddy Reed says that Pegg's "Hot Fuzz" was the sole reason he's currently majoring in law enforcement at MSU. I can only speculate about what that traffic stop would look like:
"Goin' a little fast back there wouldn't you say? And did you know there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?"
Those are the kind of officers we need to start cooking up here, speculative and cocksure. Always keep the suspect guessing, I always say. But now I'm off on a ridiculous tangent and I've probably lost every reader we have. Congratulations, diehards. In the end, you gain nothing, which means we've succeeded at everything. Cheers.
Ali Ramsey is the Reporter variety editor
Drew Nelson is a Reporter staff writer
Ali Ramsey: There you go with the Twins again. As much as I wanted them to win, and even more for the White Sox to lose, we didn't. So you'll just have to suck it up and move on.
Nelson: I already have. We know that feeling all too well, I'm afraid, and it rings in as second nature to watch our chances slip through fingers. I imagine many Sarah Palin supporters will feel the same after tonight's debate. Her recent interview with Katie Couric was laughable at best. Palin danced around questions and seemed deferred to what John McCain believes in, saying that she would "have to get back" to Couric with proper answers. If she can't present her views concerning the world's problems right now, imagine her in the White House. Yikes. Tonight, Biden has the golden gun. Palin's got no chance.
Ramsey: I'll wait to hear about it Friday. I'd rather be at home watching "The Office" or "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," then watching the debate. Politics isn't really my thing. Other than amazing TV shows, I'm interested in the news that isn't news. Like how Britney Spears might end up buying her own sex tape off the Internet from her ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. If Spears doesn't buy it, Ghalib could make $10 million off of it. For that amount I'd sell the tape, too.
Nelson: I wonder if Paul Newman ever made one of those. Then again, he probably didn't need to tell the world he got the ladies. The guy who could eat 50 eggs died last week after a bout with cancer. If you've never seen him in action, I suggest "The Hustler" or "The Sting." There's nothing like a little film nostalgia - that's where real actors were born. Once again, can I hear some taps? Not too bad of a life to be a star, then to make salad dressing for the rest of your days. What business do you want to partake in when you're 80, Ali?
Ramsey: Well I know I won't have accomplished even half of what Newman did. When I'm 80 I'll probably be living alone with a little black dog named Doodle. But at least I won't have a DUI under my belt and a horrible mug shot to boot like Heather Locklear.
Nelson: Ha! All those celebrity mug shots look identical. The puffy, purple, glassy eyes and the frizzed hair. Men are usually unshaven and the women look worse than Amy Winehouse after a six-day coma. It's a good thing some musicians are celebrating a legend of those sorts: Jimi Hendrix. Beginning Oct. 15, the Experience Hendrix Tour will make a third pass for 19 different shows, featuring guitarists such as Buddy Guy and Hendrix's ex-bandmates Mitch Mitchell and Billy Cox. That'll be a hot ticket. Even Floyd tribute bands can sell out. There's nothing like a little musical nostalgia either.
Ramsey: I probably won't be enjoying any musical nostalgia anytime soon. Instead I'll be cooped up in my apartment watching movies and dreading the cold weather. And one new movie coming to theaters soon is already causing controversy. "Blindness," which portrays a group of blind people quarantined in a mental asylum, attacking each other and trading sex for food is apparently angering the actual blind. Go figure.
Nelson: That's the kind of envelope-pushing that garners awards, though. If someone made a movie about pasty white guys who laugh at their own jokes, amuse themselves with so much as a fart joke, and deafen their neighbors through normal speech patterns, I wouldn't be upset. I couldn't be. In an unrelated item, if you don't laugh at yourself on the daily, you'd never make it through the important things. Funerals ... jail time ... Donna Casella's Film Theory and Criticism class ... an Enya album. That said, I bet stockholders have shared one big collective hee-haw in recent weeks as the Dow plummeted in record numbers. Letterman thinks "we are so screwed." Frankly, I believe him.
Ramsey: I'm starting to think we're screwed, too. Seeing all the stories about this and all the pictures that show stockbrokers hanging their heads low isn't making me think we're in a good situation. You've just got to look at the brighter side of things, which is what Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson did when they wed recently. I thought you said you were going to marry her, Drew? I guess she wanted someone with good looks and muscle instead of the pasty white guy who laughs at his own jokes.
Nelson: No wonder my petition for a sex scene with her came back with a restraining order! Save for running a yellow light (I got a ticket) this is the first major run-in I've had with Johnny Law. It's a letdown for me in every way, like Al Pacino and Robert De Niro these days. With such a foolproof tandem, Jon Avnet's "Righteous Kill" should have been ballin'. Instead, reviewers have been ranking it lower than Bush's approval rating, which fell off quicker than the mountain climber guy on that Price is Right game. Have the actors yodeled their final breaths?
Ramsey: It seems like anything those two do lately is a flop. It's sad when a movie staring Dane Cook and Jason Biggs can rake in more money then Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. I didn't see "My Best Friends Girl," but with Cook's acting skill it had to be bad. One movie I am looking forward to, though, is "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People." Any film with Simon Pegg is bound to be a winner, even if he isnt' with his "Shaun of the Dead" sidekick Nick Frost.
Nelson: Our buddy Reed says that Pegg's "Hot Fuzz" was the sole reason he's currently majoring in law enforcement at MSU. I can only speculate about what that traffic stop would look like:
"Goin' a little fast back there wouldn't you say? And did you know there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?"
Those are the kind of officers we need to start cooking up here, speculative and cocksure. Always keep the suspect guessing, I always say. But now I'm off on a ridiculous tangent and I've probably lost every reader we have. Congratulations, diehards. In the end, you gain nothing, which means we've succeeded at everything. Cheers.
Ali Ramsey is the Reporter variety editor
Drew Nelson is a Reporter staff writer
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