What’s the deal with St. Patrick’s Day?

*This is a satire, don’t take this seriously*

I’ve never understood the big deal about St. Patrick’s Day. It’s just another holiday to add to the celebratory train, starting with Halloween and ending with Easter. Yet, people start talking about how they’re going to celebrate this holiday the week after Valentine’s chocolates go on sale. If I wanted to watch a bunch of adults day drink and indulge in a variety of potato dishes, I’d just go to another family reunion.

To the United States, it’s another reason to party, no matter the day of the week. In Ireland, it’s always been considered a more serious holiday. The holiday has been around since 1631 when Irish people celebrated the death of the missionary St. Patrick, who brought Christianity to Ireland. 

When Irish people immigrated to America when the potato crops grew poor, they joined the fun of St. Patrick’s Day parades that initially mocked Irish Catholics by taping whiskey to their hands while wearing potato necklaces. Now, Ireland is starting to adopt the “American” methods of their holiday. 

First off, don’t get me wrong, green is a gorgeous color. Whether it’s a light mint or a deep emerald, it’s versatile. However, the trend of dyeing everything green for a one day event seems to be a bit extreme. 

Chicago dyes their river green, making the fish think they woke up in a toxic waste dump. Any and every food is injected with green food dye. Even my grandma dyed her hair green one year for St. Patrick’s Day. 

To make matters worse, if you don’t wear something green on St. Patrick’s Day you become a walking target to be pinched. Green isn’t a color for everybody, don’t subject them to meaningless torture. 

Besides the all-out green wardrobe, people wear ginormous buttons or t-shirts that read, “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” This is just a lazy pickup line for people to wear when they’re too busy drinking to hit on someone. 

I want to clear something up, as a fellow redhead, not all of us are Irish. The amount of people who ask redheads about their heritage on St. Patrick’s Day is astounding. Just because the Lucky Charms Leprechaun has the vibrant hair color doesn’t mean that every redhead you pass is Irish. There’s a good chance we’re European, but not from Ireland. 

Finally, ever since you learn about St. Patrick’s Day for the first time, there’s the promise of finding luck through a four-leaf clover or a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I guess I’ve always been unlucky. However, the need to find one of these lucky treasures is pressed upon everyone like those Tiktoks saying you’ll be cursed if you pass on the “lucky” sound. I don’t have time in my busy day to frolic in a field, so I guess I’ll just hope nothing bad happens to me. 

I can’t complain and say that all aspects of the holiday are terrible. Corned beef can actually be pretty good, as I can pass on the horrid smell of cabbage. Retail workers don’t have to listen to “St. Patrick’s Day” music for two whole months, like they have to do for Christmas. So, maybe St. Patrick’s Day isn’t that bad after all.

Write to: Emma Johnson at emma.johnson.5@mnsu.edu