Black Friday shopping versus Thanksgiving?

Kolby Spomer
Staff Writer

This Thursday you will most likely be spending Thanksgiving with your family. That means that you will also be spending your precious holiday time with people awkwardly asking you things like “So what are you learning in school?” and “Are you seeing anyone?” over a hundred times. If, like me, you absolutely hate these types of situations, have no fear, for I have a solution.You should go Black Friday shopping!

Most people I know will give you grief for even thinking of this type of a thing. They’ll say things like, “YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY!” to which you can reply with a big hearty “Frick off, mom. I just spent, like, four hours with all of you and I want to die.” It’s totally okay to not want to spend the whole day with your family, contrary to popular mythos.

Along with helping idiot kids like me avoid their families, Black Friday gives people without families, and people who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, something to do during the holidays. They can go send their time and money on gifts for themselves or others, or they can work at their jobs for time and a half, and make a good chunk of money that way.

Along with all these amazing things it is doing to people directly, Black Friday helps our economy immensely, as it bolsters the monetary flow of things incredibly so, and keeps our great big capitalist machine running like a mustang, or a good car, or something like that. Honestly, are you even reading this anymore? Like, do you even care about an opinion article in the local college’s paper? The answer is no, you don’t. You aren’t running to grab a copy to figure out why Black Friday is okay in my opinion, you just grabbed this because you thought it was the Free Press. Nobody cares about this article, not even me really.

Honestly, does any opinion really matter? Like, in the grand scheme of things, does anything matter at all? The answer is no, probably. You’re going to die eventually, I’m going to die eventually, everyone is going to die, so why does anything matter at all?

I’ll tell you why, you little nihilist. Things matter because we say they do, like the fact that we only have a set amount of time to do things makes every choice mean infinitely more than it would if it were not the case. The fact that you are spending YOUR time reading this means something to YOU, at the very least.

You took the time to read an article in a college paper because for whatever reason you did, and in appreciation of that I will give you my real opinion on Black Friday shopping versus

Thanksgiving with your family. Your decision should align with what you want. You shouldn’t feel any guilt over either choice because time is your most precious resource, and you should spend it with whoever you want, however you want.

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