Kanye West, a German spy

Hannah Krusty
Staff Writer

A SATIRE PIECE

It’s been 10 glorious years since Kanye West has blessed society with his magical appearance onstage at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards.

Taylor Swift had just received the award for best female video, beating out Beyonce’s “Single Ladies,” when in an unprecedented twist of the universe, Kanye took the world into his own hands. 

“Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, Imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!”

In one fell swoop, Kanye became the god that I met, Yeezy himself. (Referred to in the previous publication of the MSU Reporter.)

But why?

It’s well known and established that Mr. West is a rap God. He is a tidal wave of considerable force, knocking down many opponents in the so-called rap game. Yeezy himself will make you quake in your boots. Bow down to the king. But what is lesser known is his accomplishments outside of the rap game. 

Did you know that Kanye is one of the best sharpshooters in US military history?

Did you know that the term “sharpshooter” comes directly from the German term scharfschütz?

Because of these links, I can safely determine that Kanye is actually a German spy here to destroy the future of country music (a noble quest, in my humble opinion). 

West has since left Swift alone, after her music branched out to become purely pop. However, in her formative years of having a music career, she was definitively country pop. Something that Germans despise. 

Germans simply do not have American style country music, and Kanye didn’t like its prevalence in the country he was assigned to watch. Just think about it, sheeple! Ever wonder how or why our president is so close with a “rapper,” aka spy? Ever wonder what national security threats Kanye West poses to society, our frail rights, justice, order, and the red, white, and blue?

Taylor Swift was a victim of the notorious sharpshooter and his crimes against America. He injected himself into our society and culture. He wasn’t trying to infiltrate our government. No, he was trying to infiltrate the entertainment industry. He was trying to bring down that which holds us together– our music industry. 

There’s a reason that he’s married to Kim Kardashian-West. There’s a clear link to why he has become an icon. He is trying to bring us down. He is the artist behind the crumbling infrastructure of an American legacy. Kanye West and the Germans have won. As a figure of illustrious authority in the rap-game, he has become our own worst nightmare. He is the one true Yeezy, and we have blindly marched forward in celebrating him. Shame on us. 

Kanye single-handedly was the fall of mainstream country music. 

I wouldn’t be lying if I admitted that I am happy about it. German spy and all. Country is a lesser enjoyable genre.

Header photo: Kanye West listens to a question from a reporter during a meeting in the Oval Office of the White House with President Donald Trump in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci, File)