Four tips for surviving the relentless fall semester

We’re at that point of the semester again. Midterms have come crashing down around us and final papers and exams are looming. It can be stressful and downright daunting. If you’ve been wondering whether or not you’re even going to be able to make it through this semester, you’re not the only one. Don’t lose heart! Here are four handy tips for hanging in there this semester.

1. Eat food

Food is an important source of nutrition that keeps our bodies happy and healthy. Without it, you won’t have the energy you need. Consuming food is a fast and simple process which should be performed at the very least once every few weeks. So the next time you begin fretting about whether you’ll make it out of this semester alive, just find some bread, eggs, pickled liverwurst, or even just an apple.

2. Drink water

Many people don’t drink an adequate amount of water each day. Lugging around a big water bottle with you all day may be an inconvenience, but it’s worth the effort. Keep in mind that after multiple days without drinking some of that hydrogen dioxide, your chances of survival will begin to rapidly decline. It may not look like much, but that clear, tasteless substance has the ability to sustain you throughout this semester.

3. Breathe

Breathing is a fairly straightforward, two-step process: 1) inhale and 2) exhale. (Note that the order of those steps may be reversed.) Repeat this process roughly 31,680 times daily. Feel free to increase this amount if you find yourself gasping for air throughout the day. Keep in mind that while water is also an essential element for survival, excessive exposure to it may prevent breathing. Remember to keep those lungs pumping, Mavs, and you’ll be one step closer to making it through!

4. Avoid extremely hazardous life-threatening situations

Another useful tip for getting through the semester is to try to reduce your exposure to highly deadly situations. Examples include angering a pack of hyenas, standing within impact range of a meteorite, walking across a field during a thunderstorm carrying a long metal pole, and encountering a creepy clown late at night. Make a list of all such situations that you generally encounter in a given week and choose a few that you can realistically remove from your schedule. The less you encounter, the more likely you are to last through the semester.

There’s no doubt about it: it’s an overwhelming time of the year. Do your best and follow these four guidelines closely and you have no need to worry. Life will go on.