Jingle all the what?

The top five Christmas songs by people who never should have made a Christmas song

Mark Reynolds
Staff Writer

It’s that time of year again. 

Lights line the rooftops, the smell of cookies and peppermint fill the air, and people cut down sap-filled trees that are strapped to the roofs of cars and placed in living rooms all over America.

But as the radios, smartphones and smart homes are turned on to play some holiday classics, and Mariah Carey once again graces our ears with her beautiful falsetto, a brief pause occurs.

You’ve heard it all before. You’ve rocked around with Brenda Lee hundreds of times. You’ve still not figured out the rhythm of Frank Sinatra’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” But now, it’s time for something new.

Something… naughty.

For those who are tired of the same old songs every year, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite covers and original Christmas songs that really have no reason to exist.

5. “Mistress for Christmas” – AC/DC

This song isn’t really a Christmas song. It’s really just an AC/DC song that says the word “Christmas” in the chorus. 

However, it does have a killer guitar solo in the middle, which is really what you ask for when you put on one of their songs. You could probably sneak it into a rock playlist and see how long it takes for people to realize it’s a Christmas song.

4. “Christmas Tree” – Lady Gaga

If there’s anyone who can sex up Christmas, it’s Gaga. She mixes the melody of “Deck the Halls” with heavy, dirty synths all on top of a fat kick and snare. Released in 2008, the song fits right into the party music craze that filled those couple of years.

While it’s not the best song, it’s great fun. You’ll be sure to sing along with Gaga chanting, “The only place you’ll want to be is underneath my Christmas tree.” A great song to give your friends a laugh at a Christmas party.

3. “All I Want for Christmas is You” – My Chemical Romance

I never really listened to My Chemical Romance growing up, but I relate them with goth teens, counterculture and wild, fun music. Definitely not Christmas. However, I won’t say that I’m surprised they made a Christmas song.

Gerard and the boys were always prone to do whatever they felt like doing, especially if it was strange. Covering a classic holiday hit and turning Mariah’s rock’n’roll/boogie bop into a grungy, hilarious punk song. Definitely worth adding to your playlist.

2. “Everyday Is Christmas” – Sia

Unlike other entries in this article, this album is not here for comedic reasons. The “Chandelier” singer somehow created a legitimately good album that just happens to be Christmas themed. It’s not cheesy, it’s not sappy, it’s just plain good. 

The songs are all unique and could stand on their own but are all tied together with a Christmas-y sound that makes it fit in the season as well as Michael Bublé could ever hope to. The 42-year-old Australian singer has gained herself a new fan.

1. “Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer” – DMX  

Back in 2012, an interviewer asked DMX if he could sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for them. He denied the lyrics sheet they brought, proudly saying, “I know the lyrics.” The short clip quickly went viral with many people making their own remixes.

But in 2017, he lived up to his own lyrics, because X delivered it to us. He released a fully produced and mastered version, oozing with the gruff, powerful vocals that he is so famous for. It is truly one of the greatest Christmas songs that has ever graced this earth. But I guess that’s how Ruff Ryders roll.