A large majority of men in the Mankato area, most of who have been self-described to be in a serious relationship, have woken up to the horrifying realization that today is, in fact, Valentine’s Day. These men have been reported to be using the increase in snow and subsequent poor road conditions as a last-ditch excuse for not making any plans or reservations for the holiday.
MNSU Junior Dirk Donson had this to say, “I forgot it was Valentine’s Day, okay? I’ll admit it. You know what else I’ll admit? The roads? They’re like, stupid bad right now. And honestly, I’d rather spend Valentine’s day safe inside my apartment alive, than frozen and dead in a ditch somewhere! I’m not being the bad guy here!”
Donson’s girlfriend, Kardi Bee (no relation) stated “I have been waiting all year for this day, I love it so much. I’ve been telling him for weeks about it, dropping it into all our convos and texts. I swear, if he says he forgot I’ll-” She paused, seemingly out of rage. “I honestly cannot believe him.” Bee stormed off, refusing to answer any further questions on the matter. According to her best friend Natasha Denim, Kardi was “so p*ssed” hours after the interview.
According to Denim, Donson drove to Minneapolis last Thursday, during the snowstorm to go to the bars for his friend’s birthday. Donson reportedly lost control of the vehicle on the way to Minneapolis and crashed into a ditch. Bee drove all the way to rural Belle Plaine to drive Donson home. “Don’t tell Kardi I told you guys this stuff though, okay?” Denim said.
According to an online survey nearly 40 other partners within the Mankato area have also discovered that their boyfriends have failed to plan a date for Valentine’s day “due to the snow.” When asked on the survey if they were mad at their boyfriends, 85 percent said they were “really mad”. The other 15 percent reported just being “mad”.
In contrary, numerous single men are also using this “snow” excuse to answer why they do not have plans for the holiday. According to MNSU Louis Tuburg, who does not have a girlfriend, its “great for the first Valentine’s Day in years, I can just sit at home by myself, watch Netflix, eat pizza and not feel judged. Like, yeah, I’m not with anyone, but who cares? It’s cool to chill by yourself? Right?
“Oh no, we’re definitely judging him” Tuburg’s roommates said. “The dude hasn’t left the couch in weeks. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with his break-up with Lindsay. Apparently, he had big plans or something, I don’t know.”
One thing is known, however. This “snow” has ruined Valentine’s Day for seemingly all of Mankato. Hopefully next year it will be a little nicer. Somehow, this reporter doubts that will be the case.