In these times, a person doesn’t always find their partner at their high school, college, or even workplace as they did a decade ago. It is a main reason why dating sites have increased in their popularity, especially over the last several years, but I don’t believe they are the only answer, if an answer at all.
Dating sites can facilitate laziness. It is easy for anyone to type “Hi beautiful,” “Hey, what’s up?”, or any other general comment which doesn’t open for too much meaningful communication or conversation. Other times, you may receive such a sappy message you’re not sure what you should do with it. One I remember receiving in the last couple months was, “Hey you. Were your parents bakers, because you’re a cutie pie!”
The compliment is flattering, but it’s not my first choice of topic. Tell me what you read in my profile that interests you that you would like to know more about. After browsing through the same partners so many times, lately it feels like I am forcing a relationship. I may mention I am a non-traditional student who is going on thirty this November, so it definitely feels at times that my choices are narrowing.
Admittedly, I have involved myself in only a couple sites. The main one I have stuck with is plenty of fish since it is free and I laugh at paying for a service when it costs as much as a date. I have also faced the task of weeding out the partners who are seeking hook-ups only. But I’ve found if you are patient, you may get a bite on your hook and when you reel in, sometimes you’re surprised with a decent catch.
Dating sites enable for various scenarios. It certainly helps narrow down the person you’re looking for. For instance, there’s FarmersOnly.com for those who know the country lifestyle inside and out, Purrsonals for cat lovers, or even one called Ugly Schmucks which is for people who don’t necessarily feel comfortable in their own skin.
And yet, I believe the problems arise from dating sites is because many people don’t take confidence in who they are and instead they hide behind a screen. I encouraged my roommate to ask out a guy she had been corresponding with since it sounded like they were hitting it off. But after she asked him out for coffee, he stopped chatting with her.
I can’t say what that guy’s deal was. From my experience when I asked a guy out which turned into a long-term relationship of three years, but he also started changing. The process was so subtle, and I realized he was a different person when I gave my heart away and by then, it was too late. Ultimately, he didn’t respect who I was as a person and what I was striving for in my life as a creative individual who was and is still doing her best to meet financial ends. He constantly challenged a personal conviction I have stuck to since I was still a teen and I cannot waver from.
So what I believe quite a few people have trust issues and to a point it’s understandable. I also believe every person should know who they are and no matter how much they want a partner; they should say no if that other person crosses boundaries or appears shallow. Sometimes you need to just go out and date with no commitment and that’s fine. But I’ve learned that doesn’t work for me.
Recently, a guy from Duluth messaged me and shares my interests in creative aspirations and not only respects my personal conviction but is also on-board. But right now, I have exposed my heart so many times that even though he sounds great, I don’t feel like investing in a relationship. Lately, I have considered deactivating my dating profile and living my own life until I have healed again and can fully give myself.
I believe that’s just what I’ll do.
Header photo courtesy of Flickr.