I thought about leaving for a very long time. I started my news editor position last May with high hopes and big ideas.
I did three summer editions while rushing back and forth late Tuesday nights from Rochester to Mankato and vice versa. I worked long and hard in the beginning of school till now and I found myself stuck. Not in the sense of I’m trapped at the Reporter and held against my will to stay as news editor, but stuck as in I didn’t feel like I was growing. I felt like I had too much going on in my life that it became impossible to balance it all.
We’ve all had those moments where we pile work on top of work amongst ourselves for the sake of our resume sundaes. But when it gets to be too much, how important is it to have it all?
I often wondered this as I began my new position as the news editor. After I gave my fellow intern from this past summer a list of things I wanted to accomplish this he asked me, “Maria, are you sure you can handle all of that?”
My parents were very proud of me and would often boast about how good it would be for my resume. It was one of the reasons why I kept trucking on despite my stress. I didn’t want to lose the only thing I felt they were proud of me for.
I spent hours before falling asleep each night, anxiously thinking about whether I should leave. I was going to do what my parents said, suck it up and just do it. Even though I felt so stuck and overwhelmed, I was going to stay whether I liked it or not.
It wasn’t until one newspaper production night when I called my girlfriend, stressed beyond belief, when I realized that I could not do that to myself. She said to me, “I haven’t seen you happy since the summer.”
I thought about leaving for a long time, and I finally decided to follow through. I’ve decided that I don’t need it all.
I’m not leaving the MSU Reporter as I still have a passion for writing. However, I’m stepping down as the news editor. My email signature won’t be as pretty, but I’m sure I’ll get by.
Instead I’m going to enjoy my senior year at MNSU and focus on classes, work on my personal multimedia projects in bringing light to food insecurity, continue other endeavors with other RSOs, and continue being the professional executive stud muffin lesbian I am. It’s time for me to continue growing.