Are you a Facebook user? Maybe Instagram or Snapchat? I’m sure you’re familiar with those artsy videos that pop up on your feed and claw you in with promises of “stylish DIYs!” and “fun new ways to eat watermelon!” and make it seem like all your dreams are within reach.
Well, I’m here to tell you that they’re all lies. Hot glue doesn’t hold the world together. Beer doesn’t actually make metal get all bend-y. Watermelon doesn’t need marshmallows. These videos are made by a bunch of big ol’ practical jokers.
Do you know how many videos I’ve watched that involve cutting up perfectly good clothing in order to make strange, less good clothing? Because I’ve lost track.
I’ve never been interested in turning a pair of leggings into a dress, but for some reason I just keep watching. I needed to see that it could actually be done. I needed to see how it could be done.
Every time I think “maybe, maybe this one will be good,” and am instead left to question why the actors needed to turn their relationship drama into a homemade ladder-shelf.
That is, a ladder nailed horizontally to a wall so you can hang your clothes on it and not leave them on the floor for your girlfriend to find. At least leave the ladder in its natural vertical position!
And what is it with all the foods? Please stop trying to tell me that you can turn creamed corn into a lovely field of actual corn.
I can also confidently say that replacing the inside of a banana peel with lots of kiwi doesn’t make me want to eat that kiwi. And the cheese. Every recipe in these videos calls for about a pound of cheese. OF COURSE IT TASTES GOOD, YOU PUT A WHOLE POUND OF CHEESE ON IT.
Worst of all, they all seem to think that hot glue can actually stick anything together stylishly? It’s the duct-tape of the glue world. But less functional.
You use it to keep things close-ish together, not for its added aesthetic. Adding hot glue to flip flops just makes the flip flops uglier. Making flip flops out of hot glue screams “teacher’s pet from my 7th grade art class.” And don’t put that hot glue gun anywhere near my phone, please.
As if these videos weren’t bad enough, their thumbnails are even worse. It’s clearly a ploy to enrage you into clicking. It works every time.
Why is there a magnet being held next to a bloody finger? Are they trying to imply that the metals in your blood will somehow be sucked to that magnet? I guarantee the video won’t answer that.
A girl with a Bane mask made out of her own hair, and the title “How to Look Stunning Everyday”? Absolutely nothing of value to be expected there. So why can I not stop clicking on them?
These videos are truly destroying societal expectations towards crafts.
How am I supposed to explain to my little brothers that cutting up that $50 hoodie isn’t an investment into their fashion future?
Someone please hack into the mainframe of these toxic video-manufacturers and give us back our quality content! I want to see how to make handprints into turkeys!
Header photo courtesy of Flickr.