All talk, no walk (Valentine’s Day Satire)

Go on any dating website available and I can guarantee that at least one person in their biography will have the age-old cheesy line: “I like (insert basic activity) and long walks on the beach.” I hate to break it to you, but all you’re hearing from this is a straight up lie. These days, there seems to be too much talking and not nearly enough walking. 

People have found ways to cheat the flirting games these days. What have the cheat codes been these days? A late night Tinder match saying “U up?” followed by a one-time hookup and never speaking to each other. A majority of bios have no strings attached, making good times more common than good feelings towards a person. 

Society has since deemed that “romance is dead” while hookup culture is valued. Even if you aren’t taking someone to bed on the regular, it seems that everyone is talking to someone. And by talking, I mean “How can I cut down on these basic conversation starters so I can screw them and never communicate with them again?”

No matter what app you use, the range of intentions never ends. There’s those looking for friends, those looking for hookups and those that are actually looking for love (good luck to them). However, all the conversations start the same, making it near impossible to shoot your shot. Is it a casual fling with no deep feelings on the other end? Or is it an actual relationship that you’re too scared to attach your name to? 

A lot of this fear can stem from an origin of clinginess. Not the kind where he or she won’t stop calling because they’ll die if you live a seperate life without them. I’m talking about not being able to let go of an ex and what the two of you once had.

Everyone who has been in the dating scene knows that discussing an ex is just as big of a turn-off as someone still living in their parent’s basement. If you are looking for someone new, don’t bring up the past unless it’s absolutely necessary. 

Sometimes, you don’t even need to ask them if they’re still hung up on someone. If they seem to be constantly checking up on their Instagram or zoned out, then there is a pretty good chance that they haven’t gotten over them. 

All of this starts with a harmless “hey” and some mild conversation starters, similar in context to what teachers make students do on the first day of school. It’s just breaking the ice and seeing if this person is someone worth talking to. 

Don’t be offended if someone doesn’t show more interest than you thought they would.  Overanalyzing situations like play-by-plays only ruin the mood. After your virtual “one-night-talking-stand,” most anxiously wait to see if they will be hit up again, thus continuing an endless cycle.

You can’t go into these situations with high expectations. Some people are drier than the Sahara and can’t keep a conversation to save their life, but are the complete opposite in person. On the contrary, if they start spilling explicit matters, it’s a yellow flag. You can either run for the hills or proceed with caution. If you go into these situations with no expectations at all, you can’t be disappointed. 

They say, “if you talk the talk, you better walk the walk.” Commitment can be scary, especially if you don’t know what you are getting yourself into. Talking with another can be beneficial in getting the ball rolling, but if you keep spilling your thoughts out online, the spark will be gone. Most won’t say it, but commitment is hot.

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