Women should make sandwiches, not pay for them

It was a Tuesday in June when I purchased a $15 sub sandwich for my boyfriend. It was also the day I decided to let the patriarchy remain and gender roles prevail as I would never again offer to pay for my boyfriend’s food, seeing as that’s historically a man’s job, and I was out $15. 

This all could have been avoided and the patriarchy would by now be in ruins beneath my feet, if only my stubborn boyfriend didn’t deny his need for glasses, resulting in him mistaking a menu item for $4.99 instead of $14.99.

Only a moron would proceed to pay $15 for a sub. Even after hearing the ridiculous cost of a sandwich I could make for him at home, seeing as that’s historically a woman’s job, I chose to be a moron. That part’s on me. The rest of the blame falls on my boyfriend, 21 and legally blind.

“I swear I didn’t know,” he said all apologetically. Puppy eyes lacking 20/20 vision and everything. How could I get mad at that?

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied while worrying about it. Trying to figure out how to tell my parents I was filing for personal bankruptcy over a sub was the only thing on my mind.

I imagined the interaction to go something like this:

“Why do you go out and buy food in the first place when there’s enough food at home to feed a whole village?” 

That line would undoubtedly come from my mom. She’s persistent on saving money when it comes to food, and her selective hearing would choose only the part where I said my boyfriend and I went out to eat. Not the part where I, her beloved only child, was now financially broke and internally broken.

My dad, on the other hand, would offer me a 20. 

Thanks dad. That’s why I tell you these things first, despite the fact that you redirect me to mom right after.

Made-up anecdotes aside, I love all three of them. But would I ever spend $15 on a sandwich again for my loved ones? Absolutely. Because, as I’ve mentioned above, I’m a moron.

This article was written by an overly sarcastic feminist and should only be seen as a joke, just like the price of that sandwich.

Header photo: The sandwich that singlehandedly kept that patriarchy upright. (Dylan Engel/The Reporter)